They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
