I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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