i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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