Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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