they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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