Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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