Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Randomize
