omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
