I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
