you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
