There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
