today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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