laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
