I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I smell like Dick and happiness
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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