Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
