brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
