like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
