***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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