Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
