I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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