So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
