physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So. Much. Porn.
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