I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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