Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
