all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
