are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My hand turned me down
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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