I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
