I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
