you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
