i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
