im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
I'm going back tonight
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK