She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.