im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
