respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
