so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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