Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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