There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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