I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
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