Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
How's work?
Spinning.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
