when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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