we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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