I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
