So drunk its hurt
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
