he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
