I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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