I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
