you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
