I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
