I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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