I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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