loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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