I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
vagina is talking i cant
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
