You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
