I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
