im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
