Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Duck Duck Cougar?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
