It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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