My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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