thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I need moral support for this bender
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
