I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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