I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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