I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
