I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she smelled like a LAN party
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
