I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
