we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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