I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
