tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
