I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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