You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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